Communication – it’s one of the values I respect in other people and used to have no huge problem with (except with those I consider authority figures). It’s hard when you’ve been brought up to believe you have nothing to say that’s worth listening to, that what you think/feel doesn’t matter to anyone else, that you’re just not as important as they are. I was working on it in regard to authority figures, was making a little bit of progress, then my soul-mate of 32 years passed away. The grief is horrible, the depression, and everything else that came along with that, knocked me over like a freight train hit me. This didn’t help my efforts with communication at all. People don’t know how to respond to that kind of grief. They want to help, they want to be there for you, but they don’t know how so they stay away. Even though it’s not logical, your thoughts of worthlessness and inferiority are reinforced. Then there’s the depression, PTSD, etc. Unless you’ve been through it, you truly don’t understand what goes on inside. Friends and family think pills or therapy is what you should do, they think that ‘just getting out there’ will help you get over it. Mind over matter they say, you’ve always been stronger than this they say and while they mean well, it just hurts that they can’t hear what you’re trying to say to them. So now it’s you that backs away from them, keeping your mouth shut so you don’t feel even worse. Again, this doesn’t help with the communication issues. It’s a huge, horrible, lonely kind of struggle. BUT - guess who can help with this one? The communication expert himself of course – Papa Legba! While he’s always with me, and I have gone to him for other things the past three years, I haven’t thought about going to him for this issue until two days ago. I know he can help with communicating with other people, of course I know this; it just never occurred to me that it could be, for me, at this level. He can help me open up my ability to communicate, help others understand what I’m trying to say, help me communicate with my own Self to work on this, show me the path I need to follow in this journey, etc. It only took three years but his communication to me about this finally got through. He led me down the path to take this course in Spiritual Counseling I’m taking that made this realization click – finally. So I’ll be setting things up right away to work with Papa on this issue. Of course I’ll bring in Erzulie to help me love myself through this process, and Ogoun to help me be strong enough to actually do it. My Voodoo Triad to the rescue again.
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