Is it worth it?

Hello everyone!  I know we have talked about this subject before, but I thought it was worth revisiting.  All the time in readings I get asked the question, "Is s/he worth me doing (or continuing to do) love spell work on?"

Generally speaking, I don't have an answer for that because I think that only you can tell if someone is worth your time, trouble, money, and energy.  That is what I usually tell you - "You tell me if s/he is worth it!"  Some of you laugh, some of  you get angry with me, and some of you find your thoughts provoked!

In all fairness, some things that I can tell you is whether or not I think the person you are working on or considering working on is an inherently bad or good person.  (And, yes, I think some people ARE inherently bad and no amount of healing or goodie-two-shoes work on them is going to make them a good person!)  I can tell you if I feel any love for you there.  I can tell you if there intentions are good or bad towards you.  However, even knowing those things from me, only you can tell me if it is worth it.

But what factors might come into figuring out if it is worth it?  Here is an excerpt from an article by Daniel Harken:

"You're having problems in your relationship, and while you love your partner, you simply aren't sure as to whether it's worth saving. The vast majority of relationships can be saved - the question is, should you? This article will help you answer that question.

The first question if you're deciding if your relationship is worth saving is if there is abuse involved. Whether this is physical or emotional abuse, it doesn't matter. If there is any kind of abuse going on, you need to get out of that relationship - if you have kids, this is especially imperative. No relationship is worth saving when there's abuse involved - it will only escalate over time.

If there's no abuse, you then have to look at whether you enjoy being around this person or not. Are they one of your favorite people to simply hang around with? If not, you need to figure out if you can regain the good times or not. This requires some objectivity, but it's the simplest thing in the world - if you don't enjoy being around them at all, things need to change.

If there's infidelity involved, you have to figure out how that's going to affect the rest of your marriage or relationship. If you can't trust them, or they can't trust you, is this going to become more of a problem over time, or less? Infidelity always has a profound effect on relationships, and, while it can be often-times be worked through, it can't always.

Another question is: are your needs being met? Do you feel like you're being listened to, are you appreciated? If the answer to either of those are, there's a very fundamental problem in your relationship. It's nothing that can't be fixed - and in fact, changing your own behaviors can often lead to your partner changing theirs. You have to figure out if the potential is there, though in order to know evaluate if the relationship is actually worth saving.

Figuring out your own behaviors is actually one of the absolute most critical steps here. You have to objectively look at what you are doing - are you belittling them? Are you constantly nagging at them, or making them feel inadequate or unappreciated? If so, or if you are doing other negative behaviors, are you truly willing to change?

You have to assume that turning your relationship around will have to begin with you - are you willing to educate yourself and actually commit yourself to making changes? This is no small matter. That commitment will take a lot of effort, and a lot of learning. You have to retrain yourself to not be defensive anymore, and to be less critical and learn to show your appreciation of your partner, or your relationship will not be worth saving.

After you evaluate all these factors, you need to sit down and really look at the situation. Are you willing to make the changes, do you think the potential is there for your partner to? Is marriage or couples therapy an option? Get out there and study up on more relationship information - the more you have, the better equipped you will be able to decide if it's worth saving, and the better you'll be if you actually try to save your relationship."

End of Article

So, as we can see, there are a lot of factors in the decision of whether a relationship is worth continuing or pursuing.  But I do want to bring up one last thing that I feel is of the utmost importance - you must always feel right about what you are doing.  Listen to your inner voice, your gut, whatever you want to call it.  No matter what anyone else says, if you feel right about the relationship, and you are being safe, then no one should be able to talk you out of going forward (or not) but you!  :-)  Your friends, family, myself, and anyone else you talk to may have a valuable opinion.  However, in the end, your happiness in your life, and the pursuit thereof is your choice to make.  Other people in your life may not see what you see in a person - that is fine, as long as you are true to yourself about what you see. 

Love, light, and peace,

Mambo Samantha  Corfield, www.spellmaker.com