Well, sort of! I found this short article published by the Harvard Business School which talks about how to avoid those pesky knee-jerk reactions we can have in tough situations or during tough conversations. And while we try really hard not to get into these tough conversations in the immediate post-casting period, sometimes, well, stuff happens! And sure, we are not in a "business" relationship with our HDs, we are still in a relationship and this advice seems very applicable. The actual HBR tips are at the bottom of this post. These 3 here have been modified for our particular situations:
1 - Know yourself! Take some time and look back at how you have reacted in the past in difficult situations and how other people reacted. This can be the hardest thing of all to do! But we can not change what we are not aware of (Sorry for the Dr. Phil reference!) so even though it can be tough, spend some time in reflection on this topic.
2- Have a plan! It is infinitely easier to come up with a plan when you are NOT in the heat of the moment. If things have been tense with your HD and there is a chance things might go sideways, thing ahead and have plan incase they do. If you are having trouble coming up with a plan, ask your caseworker.
3- Its OK to say No! (Sometimes...) so this one I have to put a caveat. Certainly, if you are feeling super emotional or sad or angry then for sure, it may not be the best time to see HD that day. Why set yourself (and your spellwork) up for failure? If you are just maybe in a snit because HD did not return your text fast enough, then sorry - Suck it up, Buttercup! Take the high road, be nice, polite and responsive :-) This one is a little tricky, and again, if you have any questions or need any guidance, by all means ask your caseworker. Oh - and avoid sarcasm. Trust me! When tensions are high, it is *always* misinterpreted!
Override Your Default Reactions in a Tough Conversation (From Harvard Business Review 7/3/14)
- Know your defaults. Make a list of daily interpersonal situations, like meetings, conversations, negotiations, and conflicts. Then identify your default behaviors — interrupting, becoming aggressive, micromanaging, or jumping to conclusions.
- Plan your overrides. Before these challenging moments arise, envision how you’d ideally like to respond. For instance, if you want to overcome your tendency to interrupt, rehearse being a more active, engaged listener.
- Design your days. Self-control varies across a day and a workweek. Why schedule high-conflict conversations before lunch or at the end of the day? If your morning becomes unexpectedly difficult, reshuffle your afternoon to avoid letting a snide comment or criticism slip.